A few weeks ago, I had my first experience with nerve impingement during a tie. Considering I’ve been in ropes regularly for the last two years, and was first tied around six years ago, I am honestly surprised that this was my first time. As I always say: doing shibari is really a pretty daft thing to do. 

For me, the experience wasn’t a bad one. I attribute this to a number of factors, which I will go into in more detail below. However, a lot of people aren’t so lucky, so I thought it was about time to speak to ropey people about their experiences. 

This blog post is anecdotal first and foremost: I have simply asked people to share what happened to them. They also share their advice for people who tie, but this article is not everything you need to know, and it is definitely not a substitute for doing your own research. Shibari is fun, but it comes with risks. It’s important for you to know the risks, and how they fit within your own risk profile.

And before we get into it, here are two really useful resources for comprehensive information about nerves:

• Reducing Risk: Nerves and Circulation
• Nerve Damage Flyer

Alexa (aka @alexahamartia)

What was your experience of nerve impingement/ damage?

The first sensation was a shooting pain down my right arm (I’ve had sciatica in recent years so can definitely confirm this was nerve pain). My rigger untied me slowly so as not to allow all blood rushing back and I couldn’t use the smallest fingers on my right hand. I was able to manually move them but there was stiffness and very little movement on their own. Because I was not in the UK at the time, I went to my GP as soon as I got back. They confirmed it. I did exercises for my hands every day and after 6 weeks, I started to regain some movement.

Why did it happen?

I was in a TK in a side suspension and we were doing a transition class (at EURIX). The transition gave a bit of a drop and rotation to my body and I almost slid a little. I think my arm got caught in an up line.

Could you have prevented it? If so, how?

I’m not sure I could. He was technically competent as a rigger and, due to it being a sudden impact, I wouldn’t have felt it coming on.

I’ve learnt more body awareness and my communication has grown from here (as someone who loves to be tied) and I pride myself on my active communication now.

The up line getting caught was a complete accident and the lighting in the room was poor for atmosphere. I don’t hold anyone responsible for this.

Anything else to add?

It took me years to get over my fear of TK’s.

I’ve finally found a tie that works well for my body and practicing that. Learning to be patient and listen to it.

@dionthebunnykat

What was your experience of nerve impingement/ damage?

So I started noticing a loss in sensation in my left little finger one day, there wasn’t anything specific that lead up to it. It felt as if the finger has gone to sleep but I could still move it and use it to grip but… it felt odd. After a few weeks I noticed that loss of sensation spreading to my ring finger on the same hand. I went to my GP who referred me to a neurologist, who suggested I get a nerve conduction test. It’s now about 2 months, I regained sensation in the ring finger but haven’t recovered it in the little finger.

Why did it happen?

From having done rope for a while, being aware of common nerve damage ,and speaking to rope friends I was aware it might be an ulnar nerve impingement, possibly from a TK or consistent compression over time. The nerve conduction test confirmed there was ulnar nerve damage and degeneration, possibly from compression of the nerve anywhere from the elbow to the wrist. I understand from the doctors that this is also a common issue for people with desk jobs who rests their arms on tables. As there wasn’t a specific event I could point to that would have led to this, I suspect it might be a combination of my work and rope that has lead to some sort of constant compression of the ulnar nerve.

Could you have prevented it? If so, how?

I don’t think I could have prevented this – I have always been aware to do nerve checks when in rope and to alert rope partners when I experience rapid loss of sensation or if a tie feels ‘off’. Unfortunately nerve damage can happen due to consistent pressure or compression over time and it is part of the risk involved with doing rope

Eleni (aka @kink.and.cuddles) 

What was your experience of nerve impingement/ damage?

I was in a tenshi, and I could feel that my left arm was tighter and less “comfortable” than my right. I asked my rigger to dress it, which she did, and it felt much better so we went up into a suspension. Quite quickly, though, I could feel that something felt “off”. I was feeling some of the usual tingling, that I’ve come to recognise as lack of circulation (something that is within my risk profile), but I could also feel a difference between my hand as a whole and the left hand side of my hand (the palm and my little finger). When I checked the strength in it, by squeezing it against my thumb, it didn’t feel right. I got my rigger’s attention, who also checked my strength and then released my left arm as quickly as she could. Within a few minutes my hand had returned to normal.

Why did it happen?

My ulnar nerve was being pressed on by the ropes in the tenshi position.

Could you have prevented it? If so, how?

In this situation, I think I probably could have. I have explored arm ties much less than ties on other parts of my body, partly because I have been nervous about nerve damage. I knew the left arm felt different to the right, but after dressing I thought it would be alright. Ideally, I probably would have asked for it to be re-tied, which would likely have prevented it from happening as my right arm was fine the whole time. 

Pen (aka @kinknamepending)

What was your experience of nerve impingement/ damage?

I’ve had a few different experiences and in some it was easier to tell than others. The ‘worst’ one I had resulted in shoulder drop, which I think is less common. I had no idea it had happened until we were doing aftercare: I went to raise my arm and it was really difficult to lift it above my shoulder, or raise my shoulder itself. I’d get to a certain point it felt like there was a sticking point where I had to use other muscles. I had numbness from the exact point where the wrap had been across the shoulder on both sides, but it was just one side that I had the muscle/ motor impact. It took over a month to fully recover the movement, and even longer for the sensation to come back. I did cheerleading at the time, so I was out for a month. 

Why did it happen?

I was in an inverted hashira, so a lot of my weight was in the wraps across my neck/trapezius muscle, which is where a bunch of different nerves essentially exit the neck vertebrae and branch out. We had a single wrap, rather than two, so that’s already higher risk, along with the position. We talk often about wraps, and about body positioning, but something we don’t really speak about is whether or not the muscle and the fat around that area is condensed or stretched. In this tie, my hands were tied to my ankles, so the muscles in my shoulders were about as elongated as they can get. They had the least amount of protection, which is something I hadn’t thought about before when thinking about nerve injury.

People are able to squat three times my bodyweight across their shoulders, but part of the reason why they’re able to do that without damaging their spine or their nerves is because they engage and contract their muscles, so they’re protecting the nerves underneath. 

Could you have prevented it? If so, how?

There were no signs that I could pick up while in that particular tie but… I’m more experienced now, so I’m able to notice it a lot easier. That was a tough tie – there were tears – but I didn’t know that there was injury until afterwards. 

I think now I’m starting to notice when something’s a problem before it becomes a problem, and I think that probably comes with experience. When you first start you’re like, “It feels tight!” But tight doesn’t necessarily mean bad [and loose often doesn’t mean good] so it’s kind of hard to tell. I’ve never had actual wrist drop, just temporary issues, like starting to lose movement, which comes back the moment you untie. I’m usually okay with letting my feet and legs go numb, and to an extent my hands. I’m not super experienced with this, but like strapados, for example, as long as the movement is there it’s ok. But…numbness due to lack of circulation can make it hard to tell if there is targeted sensation loss that might be due to nerves.But, again, this is down to everyone’ individual risk profile.

And, then the other thing is checks (see below!) If I was in that position now, I wouldn’t just check my hands, I would check areas that I am more concerned about, or parts of my body that are taking the brunt of the tie. Like my shoulders… could I shrug my shoulders? Probably not actually, given the ropes, but can I move the muscles as if I intend to shrug my shoulders? Do I feel like I could make this movement, even if that movement is restricted?

And there is something to be said about being aware of the risks versus actively worrying about a nerve injury and holding tension in a tie . If you’re tense, you’re pressing harder into the rope, so you’re potentially increasing your chances of said damage. It’s a fine line!

Alex, aka @latexdancer 

What was your experience of nerve impingement/ damage?

I experienced a full wrist drop caused by a partially loaded TK. I have poor circulation so I lose sensation in my fingers often, but that time it was different. Usually I get pins and needles in my fingers and they get cold and then I gradually loose sensation. That time I had the injury I lost sensation and movement after a short period of time and it just felt somewhat „different“. I had complete loss of movement and sensation for about 12h, then it came gradually back over approximately 1 week

Why did it happen?

it happened at a life drawing session, I was in a TK and the bottom wrap was just in the wrong position. I was in the position (a partial suspension with not much weight on the TK) for approximately 7 minutes, luckily I realised that something was wrong during that and came out of it instead of transitioning into full suspension.

Could you have prevented it? If so, how?

probably. I’ve been in a TK a lot of times and I know exactly where my wraps need to be. When we tied this one I wasn’t paying attention, I guess I would have noticed the placement of I had. Additionally,  then the adrenaline of performing made me notice it potentially later than I could have

Anything else to add?

I went to see my physiotherapist straight after the injury to ask for advice – she recommended a variety of gentle stretches and a stress ball to get my grip strength back. If you are compensating through using other muscles, you can put some heat on to relax those, immediately after the injury some ice on the arm can feel nice, but eventually neither heat or cold have any impact on the actual nerve, so trust your body instincts as of what you feel you need and don’t rely on the internet!

Some tips for preventing nerve issues in rope

I think it’s important to note (again) that shibari is inherently risky, and most people who do it will have some experience of nerve damage/ impingement at some point. However, there are definitely things we can do to reduce the impacts, and ways to make sure we are at least practising consensual, risk-aware shibari. Here are some tips from our community.

Don’t rush 

Starting out with shibari can be super exciting and we can very much get caught up in what is known as “frenzy”. However, like with all kink, it’s super important to take your time and prioritise safety. With all things, we pass through stages of conscious and unconscious competence and incompetence… ultimately we don’t know what we don’t know. The problem with a hobby like shibari, is that unconscious incompetence can be really quite dangerous. 

It also takes time to learn what’s normal for your body/ your rope bottom’s body in rope, and thus to be able to gauge when things aren’t right. Slowing down and taking your time to do your due diligence is super important.

Educate yourself about nerves

Until you experience some sort of nerve issue it can be really hard to know how it feels. Alexa says: “Educate yourself on nerve injury vs circulation and what different nerve injury can look like. Be aware that even though we can mitigate risk, there is always the chance of nerve damage and it should be more talked about.”

Dion adds: “There is a very fine line between loss of sensations due to blood flow being cut off and a potential nerve impingement. Sometimes nerve damage can show up days/ months/ years after.”

For me, even though I hadn’t experienced it before, because I had done my research and listened to people talking about their experiences, I found I was able to spot the signs and — now that I do know what it feels like — I feel more confident going forward. 

Learn from reputable teachers (and prioritise in-person teaching if you can)

There are so many different ways to learn shibari — in-person and online workshops; videos; books — and we all have our preferred learning styles. It can also be quite expensive.

Coming to some beginners classes are a great (and cheap!) starting point. Pen’s advice:  “If you’re going to tie beyond doing a beginner jam, you should get some form of in-person tuition, whether it’s a workshop, or private tuition.” This learning can absolutely be supplemented by less hands-on learning, but real-time conversation is hard to beat. 

“Also,” says Alexa, “Learn a good gote and single column tie from some good educators.”

Carry out checks regularly

There are certain standard checks that can be done to check nerves like: pressing your fingers against your thumb to check strength, and making sure you can move your hand backwards and forwards at the wrist. But there are also other, more comprehensive, checks that can be done preemptively, or if the bottom notices something that worries them. 

“I’ll raise my thumb to check my radial nerve, but I won’t just test movement of my radial nerve, I’ll also test sensation,” says Pen. “So, if I’m in a TK I’ll run my finger across the back of my thumb and my thumb across the back of my finger. If it starts to feel numb to the touch, then I know that there’s a problem. I’m now at a point where I believe I’m starting to know where the problem is, in terms of exactly where the wraps are sitting in a TK: I can feel where the nerve was being compressed if, for example, the wraps are slightly too low.” Another vote for experience, then!

“Another thing,” Pen continues, “ Is for the rigger to check skin sensation both above and below a wrap to test for any differences. With my shoulder drop, I could see the red line where the wrap had been. I had sensation directly above it and below it I had none. It was as clear cut as that.”

Make checks fun/ part of a scene

Making these checks a part of the scene is important too, so they don’t impact on the mood unless they really need to. They can become instinctive, like a partner placing a hand in yours automatically means you will squeeze it. 

K says: “I think being in the habit of just doing your checks, both as a bottom and as a top is super important. My partner will do this casually. Like when he’s moving around me he’ll touch my hand, or an area that might be in danger of being affected, and quite often  that’s enough for me to be like, ‘hang on a second’. Or, if we’re doing a silly scene, he’ll play ‘This little piggy goes to market’ on my foot, which is so embarrassing but doesn’t break the mood. If you’re in the habit of it, checks are so quick to do that they shouldn’t impact the scene at all. Also, rope is so much about nonverbal communication, so, as a top if you notice your bottom increasing the amount of checks they’re doing you might check in.”

Obviously, there are times when a rope bottom might verbally ask for their rigger to check a certain body part for movement, strength or sensation. But incorporating checks into every scene can be subtle and seamless, and often sexy. 

Play and lab

“As a beginner it’s really, really hard to learn the difference between the nerves and circulation, not least because you’ve got this whole world of other sensory things going on,” A says. “My advice is to separate out lab-time (practise time) and playtime, and use lab time to scope out sensations as much as figuring out certain ties. Labbing should be as much about the bottom as it is about the rigger: whatever you’re labbing, take time for the rope bottom to feel how things feel when you have more cognitive processing ability than you might have during play.”

Trust your judgement

As above, sometimes rope bottoms can feel fussy or needy if they’re asking for too many adjustments – I know I’ve felt like this! But, says Alex, “You don’t need to justify coming out of a tie. I remember debating with myself about that specific TK, thinking: ‘Oh it’s probably just circulation, I’m not even suspended, I’m probably okay,’ knowing that I definitely wasn’t. So I guess my advice is: if it feels wrong, it likely is.” If your rigger makes you feel like an inconvenience for communicating, then that is a huge red flag. Which brings us on to…

Make it safe to communicate

Checks and time to practise are all well and good, but if there isn’t a culture of communication between you and your rope partner, there could still be difficulties. “I always feel comfortable and safe to be like, ‘Hey, there’s a problem’ when I’m tying with my partner,” says Pen. “And, importantly, it doesn’t always end the scene. And when I tie I try to really reinforce that point that I’d rather they tell me, we change something, and then we carry on, so long as it’s safe to do so.” Often, an issue might be solved by a small adjustment. 

“I remember when I first started bottoming,” Pen continues, “I really wanted  to please the top you, to be the perfect trouble-free bottom. But now I think the perfect bottom is someone who can advocate for themselves, not someone who can do crazy shit.”

And ultimately, have a plan for the worst-case scenario

For most people who do rope, some form of nerve issue will happen at some time: “It does not inherently indicate a bad rigger and shouldn’t be used as gossip,” says Alexa. “However, don’t just throw yourself into ties with anyone: vet people for technical ability and other things, like their previous experiences and how they dealt with them.” Communication and transparency are important for learning purposes and, as a community, we don’t often like to talk about the things that go wrong as much as we talk about the joys. Sharing experiences can be powerful and really help people understand what to look out for. 

Pen, who is in medical training, says that — to the best of his knowledge — nerve injuries in shibari rarely result in the severing of a nerve that results in permanent injury. Instead, it is usually the myelin sheath that is damaged due to compression. These will usually heal within three months, and much more quickly if the compression of the nerve is noticed quickly and the ropes are removed. Longer-term damage is usually the result of prolonged compression.

Dion adds: “It’s important to maintain open honest communication with your rope partners and to plan for worst case scenarios because rope is inherently risky.” What would happen if you or your rope bottom lost the use of their hand for three months? 

Resources

And once again, some resources:

• Reducing Risk: Nerves and Circulation
• Nerve Damage Flyer
• Shibari Study: Nerve Safety for Rope Bondage

If nerve damage does occur it is best not to ice the area for more than a day or two as this will slow healing. It’s worth visiting a medical professional and being honest about how the injury occurred. Physiotherapy-type exercises may also help speed up healing. 

Please remember this is an anecdotal resource. 

Before we try something new it’s rare not to make some form of prejudgement. Shibari is no exception but it’s likely that your first experiences will blow any preconceptions out of the water. Watching rope in porn — which is many people’s first introduction — is often not the best representation of tying IRL. 

We asked our community what their misconceptions of shibari were, and how their opinions changed once they tried it. Here’s what they said.

Shibari has to be sexual

Shibari can be sexual, and for a lot of people it is. But, for many, rope doesn’t come with a side of sex. My rope journey started out in the bedroom but once I’d experienced it I knew I needed it, with or without the sex. So I made this my mission. Now I have a wonderful — platonic — tying relationship that gives me so much joy. @mindful_life_thoughts says: “Like most things in BDSM rope appears sexual at first. But getting to know you Anatomie stars virtually really opened my eyes as to how amazing shibari and rope work is: calming, almost meditative, and how it puts you at peace, with different sensations on restraints. Suspension is fascinating and I can’t wait to eventually learn!”

Shibari is all about knots

For @magic_thumbfl there was a preconception that shibari was all about learning patterns and knots: adult Scouts, if you like. Actually, shibari involves very few knots. It mostly relies on creating friction that works to hold the tension of the rope against the body. It’s a great hobby for people who enjoy puzzles. Once you understand how rope works and have a grasp of the fundamentals, it’s basically a body-shaped jigsaw.

Shibari is boring

“I got told about it when I first joined Fet,” says @_spellbound_girl_. “I remember saying, ‘That sounds boring!’ Wrong!” Shibari isn’t for everyone: if bondage is a speed sport then maybe handcuffs are the right choice for you; no shade. However, if you’re interested in more of a process, being creative with restraints, or exploring restriction in a non-sexual way, then definitely give it a go. There is always more to learn from both a rigging and bottoming perspective. 

Shibari is only for certain bodies

Traditionally we see see a specific body type in rope: slim, flexible, usually white or East Asian, and most often female. For @dionthebunnycat seeing super flexible bodies made her assume that her body didn’t belong in rope. The message @nizlyn_artist got is that it’s impossible to shibari with a disability. Luckily this isn’t true! Recently there has been a shift towards diversity in rope that celebrates a variety of different bodies tying and being tied. Our view is that rope should always fit a body, not the other way around (Almost) any tie can be adapted for various needs and, if for some reason one can’t, there is always an alternative that does work. 

Shibari is gendered

Much like above, it has traditionally been far more common for men to be riggers and women to be rope bottoms. Nowadays, this isn’t really the case. The number of women and nonbinary people who are stepping into the rigging space is increasing, and men are also much more receptive to being tied. It turns out tying preference and gender aren’t intrinsically linked! In fact, when you’re learning shibari, regardless of gender, it’s a really good idea to experience both sides. For a rigger, it’s helpful to know how rope feels, and for a bottom it’s useful to have some knowledge of the technicalities. Maybe switches really do have the best of both worlds.

Being suspended is effortless

Gem (Elle_Gee83 on Fetlife) says a huge misconception about suspension is: “That it’s somehow effortless, serene and floaty like flying. It’s one of my biggest bugbears with rope photography, especially as a fat rope bottom who does a lot of suspension. Like, it’s beautiful, but what it feels like and what it looks like are a world apart. If I had a quid for every time I rolled my eyes at the ‘omg she looks so blissful’ comments.” While there might be moments of serenity in a suspension, the reality is far more raw than the images we might see. Being suspended is rarely painless or comfortable, and it can be downright excruciating, but there are so many reasons people do it.

Shibari is all about suspension

People often become interested in shibari because they’ve seen an image of someone being suspended; that becomes their goal. I relate: when I started being tied I was desperate for suspension. Now… my rope partner and I have made a conscious choice to make our rope sessions less prescriptive, and focus more on floor ties and partial suspensions. It’s much nicer to play around and enjoy time to be creative, and have suspension as a ‘nice to have’ rather than a ‘must have’ during our shibari sessions.

Rope is for riggers

“I thought that the person in rope is ‘lending’ their body to the rigger, and remains disconnected/ neutral about it,” says @m.i.n.e.r.v.a.l. “My confidence as a bottom really started developing once I started self-tying for pleasure, which showed me how rich the experience of being in rope can be. That’s when I started noticing the connection between the rigger & the model when I would see people tie together. I also read Somatics for Rope Bottoms, which I approached from the angle of ‘how to feel safe in rope’ but the book ended up being an excellent guide toward being more connected to my rigger when bottoming.”

In our last blog post we explored safe words, and safe words can’t really be discussed without discussing risk and risk profiles. It’s our risk profile that informs when we want to nope out of a scene, or even agree to it in the first place. And, while I’d hazard a guess that a lot of people who are into kink and/ or shibari have a fairly high tolerance of risk, we are all very different. We are also different from moment to moment. 

Your risk profile is what informs the “RI” in PRICK (Personal, risk-informed, consensual kink) and the “RA” in RACK (risk-aware consensual kink). Having an idea of your attitude to risk can be a super helpful part of exploration. Knowing that you are someone who is likely to jump in with two feet and worry about the consequences after is useful information: it can help you consciously create a support network, which might simply look like a few friends that you commandeer to use as sounding boards. 

So what is a “risk profile”? How do you figure out yours? And what does it mean when you do?

What is a risk profile?

Risk profiles are most commonly associated with finances, and health and safety. As an ex-teacher, I spent my life filling in “risk assessment” forms to make sure my students were safe in different situations. When you come to a workshop at Anatomie, the teacher will have gone through a similar process.

In money terms, investment risk profiles are often described on a scale from “aggressive” to “moderate” to “conservative”. A conservative investment means your money is safe, there is minimal risk and low return;  aggressive means significant risk but the potential for greater reward long-term.

While there are no agreed terms for risk within kink, again it’s a continuous balance between risk/ safety and reward. Your kinky risk profile relates to how willing you are to participate in different activities in relation to the types, severity and likelihood of the possible risks. It allows you to identify the things that cost more long-term than the opportunities provided by play.

Whether you know it or not, your risk profile subconsciously determines whether you say “yes” or “no” to opportunities you’re faced with, in kink or elsewhere. 

However, a powerful psychological tool is the Johari window: the idea that in order to grow — and work successfully with others — we are required to bring parts of ourselves from the “unknown” into our “known” realms. This is where I invite you to reflect on your experiences and start to bring your thoughts and attitudes to risk from that subconscious, intuitive decision-making place into a more conscious and intentional space.

Why create a risk profile?

Safewords are great, as is knowing our hard/ soft limits but some people genuinely do enjoy playing (safely!) without these things. Risk profiles allow us to go a step further into practising PRICK with or without. 

A risk profile allows you to consider all the possible things that might go wrong, in order for you to determine whether they can be on the menu at all. 

A risk profile provides context for your limits. For example, a limit might be “I don’t want visible marks on my face or neck”. Your risk profile could be much more specific: “I need to be able to wear x, y, z pieces of clothing to work this week,” which allows a more solid framework for where marks may or may not be allowed. 

If you do a certain type of work, where specific body parts are necessary (e.g. sports, walking, writing) you can use your risk profile to ensure those body parts are prioritised in any first aid, but also take extra precautions to protect them during play. “I must be able to use my hands for work,” is much more useful than, “Don’t tie me in a TK.”

Furthermore, knowing these things about yourself allows you to research the things that could help keep you safe, and ask questions of play partners to gauge their own understanding of the things you need them to be aware of. 

How do I create my risk profile?

There are two ways to create a risk profile: working backwards from the things you need to protect, or working forwards from your kinks.

Working backwards

Firstly, list down the things in your life that you need to protect at all costs? E.g. work, friends, relationships, family, hobbies, children/ contraception, pets, travel

Then, consider the things that you need to be able to do or have in order to do them. E.g. working limbs, ability to take contraception/ access to regular medication, ability to make money, protecting personal and professional reputation/ career progression

Research or learn in order to make sure you know how to protect these things. E.g. ways to avoid nerve damage in the body parts you need to protect, understanding ways to play that mark/ don’t mark.

Communicate the information that’s needed before play and ensure any emergency plans are put in place should they be needed. 

Working forwards

Start by creating a list of the things that are highest on your to-do list or the things you do most regularly.

Choose one, and brainstorm all the potential risks you can think of, and try to go all the way to worst-case scenario not matter how unlikely that might seem.

Some things you might want to consider:

• Legality (for example in the UK, people “can’t” consent to ‘bodily harm’) 
• The consequences (e.g. to reputation) of being found out in some way, e.g. a surprise trip to the hospital 
• Arousal, and how this could distract you, e.g. when driving, or at work
• Personal feelings and triggers
• Past experience (sometimes kink will the “cone of uncertainty” model, in which the more you do something the less risky it becomes. Sometimes it will not, and negative past experience will make you more wary.)
• Safety/ danger: there is a huge range of kinks, many of which are, for all intents and purposes, physically safe but some of which aren’t
• How your feelings on the day might impact on your desire
• Your perception of risk vs the reality
• Physical condition/ medical conditions

Next, use a scale (for example, 1-10 where one is extremely unlikely and 10 is almost certain) to mark how likely each one is to happen. You might realise some are conditional, in which case list the conditions and their relative score underneath.

Then, mark or highlight (traffic light colours are a good way to do this) whether each risk is: acceptable as it is; unacceptable as it is, but acceptable with some safety measures; or unacceptable risk.

If you deem something to be unacceptably risky, note down why this is.

Over time, you will build up a visual risk profile that you can use to inform your decisions, especially if you are someone who is inclined to be more of a risk-taker.

Conclusion

While I’m not suggesting you should steal some risk assessment forms from work and fill them in for every scene you do, it is worth spending some time thinking about the things you have engaged in, or would like to engage in, and consider the potential risks. 

Many facets of kink are inherently unsafe, and we know this. But… there are a ton of reasons as to why we park our reservations and go ahead and jump in with both feet (one of these being kink frenzy).

I know… dissecting our kinks doesn’t sound very sexy! But I for one didn’t honestly consider the risks of certain things I’ve done. My risk profile has changed significantly in the nearly-a-decade I’ve been kinking. That’s partly down to experience (especially when things have gone wrong) but also down to being more intentional and really making sure that I set things up to feel as secure as they can possibly feel. This helps me to enjoy the things I do way more.

Considering the risks means specifically thinking about ‘worst-case scenarios’ as well as scenes that go without a hitch. And this doesn’t mean you don’t do things… it just means you’re prepared for when things go wrong (because it almost always is “when” rather than “if”). 

Having honest, open conversations about potential risks — which could lead to putting additional safety measures in place — might actually make you feel even more excited about doing the things you want to do.

Learning shibari can feel like learning a new language. Here’s our guide to the most common rope-related words you are likely to hear as you start out.

Roles in rope

Rigger

The rigger is the person who does the tying. Some people prefer to use the word “Rope Top”, not to be confused with “Dominant”, which implies that a more formal power exchange dynamic is at play. 

Bottom/ bunny/ model

The term “rope bunny” refers to the person being tied. However, the term is controversial and has fallen into disuse over the years as the rope and kink scenes have diversified. Many do not relate to the “cutesy” nature of the word. In recent years “bottom” or “model” have become more commonly used in rope circles. The use of one over the other seems to be dependent on the individual community, with some preferring “bottom” — a more kink-related term — and some preferring “model”, which is devoid of kink connotations. Some feel the term “model” denotes more “passivity” in the equation, while others consider this to be the better and more professional term as it is used in other circles without the implication of passivity.  

Switch

A rope switch is someone who enjoys tying (rigging) and being tied (bottoming). 

Spotter

A spotter is someone who will watch a rope scene, to check for warning signs of something going wrong, or step in to support if something does go wrong. Many scenes don’t require a spotter, but if a rigger is attempting something new, or higher risk, they may ask a person (or three) to spot. Spotters are commonly used (and highly advisable) for self-suspension scenes and even performances.

Technical terms

At Anatomie, we tend to use 6mm jute rope in lengths of 7.5m, that are doubled over on themselves to tie. Jute creates great friction, is not stretchy like some other materials, and tends not to burn skin. This length is popular as it means you have a working end that is roughly two arm spans: enough to work with, but not so much that it gets in the way.

Bight

The bight is the middle point of the rope, where it folds in half. When tying you want to be as accurate as you can with where your bight is (i.e. as close to the middle as possible) to make joining ropes easier should you need to. 

Working end

The length of rope you are working with is called the working end. We focus on the section of the rope closest to the bunny when tying. This is what connects the rigger to their rope bottom when tying and creates intimacy. It is usually taut, in order to maintain this connection. The rest of the rope, the length you are not using, is usually slack.

Stopper knot

At each end of the rope is a knot: these are called stopper knots. We call them stopper knots because they can stop the ends from unravelling , and because they are used to join rope by stopping the joined rope from slipping off. There are a variety of stopper knots: overhand knots, thistle knots, matthew-walker-knot, and more.

Column

In rope we call body parts — or other things you want to tie, like bed posts — columns. Any of the following could be a column:

• A single wrist, ankle, thigh etc.
• Two wrists, ankles, thighs, or a thigh and a wrist, an ankle and a thigh, a wrist and a bedpost etc. 
• The waist, or chest
• The neck (not advised)

Single column tie

Each tie starts with an anchor point: usually a wrap and a knot that secures the rope in place to allow you to start your tie. A single column tie is normally two wraps around your chosen column and a simple knot (often a granny or reef knot) to secure it. The knot you choose will determine the direction of your working end (see below: Granny knot).

Double column tie

A double column tie is similar to a single column tie, but tailored more to columns that are made up from two body parts (e.g. two wrists, two ankles, a wrist and an ankle, etc.) with the addition of a wrap (a cinch or “kannuki”) that runs between the two to prevent slippage. 

Knots

In shibari, knots are mainly used on anchor points (single- and double column ties). Here are some common knots that will be demonstrated using videos and images rather than words:

Reef/ square knot

Granny knot

See above: Single Column Tie

Somerville bowline/ Myrtle hitch

Quick release 

Instead of the knots above, a quick release knot can be used to enable to a rigger to release their model from their tie more quickly.

Wrap

Simply put, wraps are when the rope wraps around the body/ columns. They can be used as part of a more complex tie, accompanied by frictions, or they can be used to create an experience just with a single- or double-column tie and the working end. 

Frictions

The other components of most ties are frictions: these are the points of contact between your working end and your existing wraps. They rely on the friction of the rope (and the skin) to help maintain the tension of your wraps and can be used to change the direction of your tie. Frictions should always be tight so remember to pull each part as you are tying it so there is no slack. They are really all you need to know in order to freestyle.

Again, the best way to demonstrate frictions is with images.

Counter tension/ reverse tension

A counter, or reverse, tension allows you to change direction and to move back the way you came from..

Full stop

A full stop enables you to continue tying in the same direction, while keeping tension. 

Half moon

We can use a half moon when our working end meets an existing wrap/ line at a 90 degree angle, creating a “+”. 

Munter hitch

A munter hitch is a slightly more complex and secure way to continue in the same direction; it requires a “T” shaped intersection of rope.

X-friction

The x-friction is most commonly used when two lines cross as a “T” or an “+” shape. When doing an x-friction, it’s important to make sure the friction is tight at each step to ensure this happens. 

Hitch

A hitch also requires a “T” shaped intersection, and allows you to change direction so you are moving perpendicular to the direction you were going. 

Lark’s head/ Lark’s foot/ Cow hitch

A lark’s head is most commonly used when joining ropes. 

Locking off

When we create an upline (see next) we have to make sure that the rope is connected securely to the suspension point and the model. We call this locking off. 

Upline/ suspension line/ mainline

The upline is the line of rope that connects the person in the rope  to the suspension point.

Tying off

When we have a length of leftover rope after completing a tie, we can use it up in a variety of ways; this is called tying off the loose ends.

Untying

In traditional Japanese shibari, the untying is as much a part of the process as everything else: it signals the end of the connection, and the connection should be maintained until the last rope is removed. We can do this in two ways, neither of which sound that appealing but luckily they both feel great. “Peeling” does what it says on the tin: you “peel” the rope off the bunny slowly. “Flossing” involves using your whole arm span to gently pull the rope across the bunny’s skin as it loosens. 

Rigger finger (Crochet hook)

When tying, rope often has to cross itself and sometimes the tension makes it tricky to move a rope underneath another. Rather than pushing the working end through, we tend to use our index finger to hook the rope and pull it through. Pushing is much more clumsy, and doesn’t feel great for the bottom. 

Tension

Tension is one of the most important — but also most difficult — elements of rigging well. There is some level of personal preference in tension: some bottoms prefer rope to be tighter, some prefer it looser. However, tension is much more integral than this: it is necessary to maintain the integrity of any given tie, and is even more necessary when suspending to avoid slippage. 

Labbing

Tying usually takes on one of two purposes. Labbing is when a tie is planned in order to practise technicalities.

Playing

The other option, playing, is tying for fun!

Self-tie

Often we tie with other people, but when we tie ourselves it’s known as self-tying. It can be a great way to practise, but it’s also an opportunity to connect with ourselves. 

Safety basics

Aftercare

Shibari can be intense. It’s worth considering some form of aftercare for both the rigger and the bunny. Check-ins post tying are also really important.

Drop

Drop is one of the reasons aftercare is important: after an intense scene, which involves a lot of adrenaline, our bodies can “drop”. This is when a participant in the scene — and it can be the Top or the bottom, or both — experiences a low mood, and sometimes feelings of guilt, in the aftermath. 

Circulation

Tying can cut circulation to body parts off. However, while this can look quite dramatic (limbs can turn white or deep purple depending on whether blood is pooling or cut off) and feels like intense pins and needles, the length of time is important. While different tissues respond differently, your limbs and extremities become unsalvageable after six to eight hours without blood. Most ties last a fraction of this time. It’s important to note that if, and how long, a person is comfortable with circulation being impeded is a part of their own risk profile and should always be respected.

Communication

Shibari is a way of communication in and of itself. It also requires negotiation and extensive discussion. It takes a while to learn what you like and what you don’t in terms of ties: body parts you like to have tied, positions you feel safe and unsafe in. 

Consent

It goes without saying that shibari needs to be undertaken consensually. Like all kink and BDSM play, a surface-level understanding of consent really isn’t enough. Here are a some resources about consent that are worth exploring:

• The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin
• The Consent Checklist by Meg John Barker
• @consent.wizadry on Instagram

Frenzy

A feeling many of us are used to: frenzy is the desperation to do all the things, all at once, RIGHT NOW. Discovering shibari, or kink more generally, often sparks a period of frenzy, in which our decision-making skills are impaired, and our risk profile is lowered, in the desperation not to miss out. It’s a hard thing to be aware of while you’re in it, but the best way to manage it is to rely on a trusted group of friends/ peers that can help you “sense check” decisions in a nonjudgmental way. 

Nerves

Often when tied, body parts can go numb. This is called ‘paresthesia’. It is due to compression of the nerves and isn’t usually dangerous. However, again, it’s down to a person’s personal risk profile and their knowledge of their own body. It’s important to note that shibari can cause long-term nerve damage if the correct checks aren’t done during a tie. Nerve damage, rather than compression, results in certain movements being inhibited, and the power of the grip lessening in the person being tied. If the arms are tied (especially in takate kote-style ties) where the radial nerve can be exposed. If compressed  it limits the movement of the thumb and fingers. Checking that the thumb can touch all fingers at a usual pressure (even if they feel numb) and checking the movement of the thumb towards and away from the hand is important. This should be done often by riggers and bottoms as a team. However in instances where the bottom is inexperienced, where the  power dynamics involved, and/ or where the person being tied is “spacing out” and has less awareness of themselves, the responsibility may — and should — fall more on the rigger to perform these checks.

Read more about nerves in rope here. 

Nonverbal

Sometimes when people are tied they sink into a headspace that renders verbal communication almost impossible. It’s useful to have a nonverbal “safe sign” as a back-up to a safe word (see below) but also useful to discuss nonverbal tendencies before tying.

Power exchange

Shibari is ultimately a power exchange. It can take a lot of trust to allow someone to tie you up. The Wheel of Consent is a great way to explore power dynamics in any given relationship, and to ensure any power is exchanged with consent.

Safeword

Ongoing communication is necessary in a rope relationship, but it’s important to have a safeword that cuts through and stops play immediately. Traffic lights are a well-used safeword: green for continue; orange for pause/ slow down; and red for stop. 

Shears

On a practical level, when tying it’s important to have a pair of safety shears on hand at all times to ensure that ropes can be cut if necessary. Typically, shears are useful in cases of fainting and/or when things such as fire alarms go off. 

Vetting

Asking for “references” before tying with someone new might sound a little ridiculous, but it’s a great way to keep yourself safe (again, as a Top and a bottom). It’s a lot more common in the rope community than you might think!

Common ties

Shibari ties, in Japanese, are not named after specific sequences of knots, wraps and frictions. Instead, they are named after the part of the body or the shape they create. To this end, there are multiple possible ways to any given harness or shape. Shibari is a puzzle, and it lends itself to creativity.

That said, there are some more common ties. Here are two examples.

Takate kote

The takate kote, or box tie, is a version of a gote tie: gote means “back hand”, or “hands behind the back; and takatekote means “high hand, little hand” — or  “hands angled upwards, forearms (tied)” — and is associated with a specific lineage of shibari. It is often used as a harness for suspension.  

Futomomo

In Japanese, futomomo means “thigh” (“the fat part of the leg”) and a futomomo tie is one where the ankle is bound to the thigh. Again, they can be used for suspension, but are great for all kinds of play. Here’s one example of a futomomo. 

Written by Kink and Cuddles; photography, videos and edits by Anna Bones.

With thanks to @and_so_is_lola for video editing, and @theaccidentalrigger for use of stopper knots image.