It’s January. The time of year where people often make resolutions, set intentions, and pick up new hobbies.
Often when we start out with something new, we have some idea of what the benefits of it might be. However, there are almost always advantages that come as surprise bonuses.
So here are a few reasons why we think shibari should be your 2023 hobby of choice.
Boost your confidence
Amongst other things, learning a new skill can help develop confidence. When you take up shibari, you will learn a practical skill, one that you will see developing over time. When you see yourself improving at something there is a sense of achievement that will likely lead to an increase in confidence. Click here for our top tying tips.
The perfect party trick
If you would like to go to sex- or kink-positive parties, shibari is a great way to settle into a space, especially if you’re socially anxious, or more introverted. It can give you a focus — tying a friend, or self-tying — and help you find your feet. It’s the perfect conversation starter too.
Develop communication skills
Communication comes up a lot in chats about shibari because it’s a great way to develop communication skills: stating needs and actively listening. It’s also useful where learning to read and respond to non-verbal cues is concerned: so much communication in rope happens without words. When you learn rope, you are learning a whole new language, too. It’s pretty wonderful.
Explore intimacy
Shibari is about sex, right? Well, yes, sometimes. But actually you’ll find that many people separate the two: it’s perfectly possible — and wonderful — to enjoy rope without sex. However, rope is generally physically intimate, whether you’re tying with yourself or another human: be prepared to get up close and personal in the best ways.
Find community
One of the most surprising things about learning shibari is the friendships you’re likely to make. Attending events, like rope munches, jams, or classes, brings likeminded people together. If you’re new to it it’s super easy to bond with other people who are in the same situation and you’ll probably find that your rope friends will become friend friends in no time at all. Mouse, House Cat at Anatomie, says: “Rope brought me community and the best friends I’ve ever had.”
Body positivity
Traditional pictures or shibari are often of straight-sized, able bodied humans. Come along to real life rope events and you’ll soon realise that those pictures aren’t representative of the actual shibari community. Bodies of all shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities belong in rope and exploring your own and other people’s strengths and limitations is a fascinating part of learning shibari.
Sense of self
If you are curious about rope, there’s probably a reason. Leaning into the things that speak to us can do wonders for our sense of self and identity. When you learn and experience something new, something that interests you, you create new memories and shape new behavioural tendencies, which develop your personality and support your self-conceptualisation.
Tap into playfulness
As you get more proficient at shibari (whether you are tying or being tied) you will find that the muscle memory takes over and this will free up room for playfulness. Rope should be fun, but it can be easy to get caught up in perfectionism. Some of the best rope isn’t the most beautiful to look at, instead it’s all about the experiences of the people involved. Shibari has allowed me to tap into my playfulness in a way I’m so grateful for.
Mindfulness
Life is so busy, and rope is an opportunity to slow down and be in the moment. If you are tying, it’s a chance to focus on something and quiet your brain; if you’re being tied you can sink into your body and get out of your head. Mindfulness was one of the things our community love most about shibari. Lee, another one of Anatomie’s House Cats, says: “I love the way rope brings you into the present moment. For me it removes worrying about the past or future, and grounds me in what is happening now.”
Structure for (some) people with ADHD
Finally, rope might be the perfect hobby for some neurodivergent people. Kaoru (yes, another House Cat!) has this to say: “The space that rope creates between two people is, by nature, more structured and with clear negotiations. Making things explicit and clear helps my ADHD. It effectively allows me to be close to someone and gives me a form of intimacy that doesn’t necessarily have to be something else. It’s just us, in the moment. When I’m bottoming I can let myself go and allow my brain to quiet, and when I’m tying I kick into hyperfocus and only we exist.”
However, this may not be the case for all neurodivergent people so if you would like to try shibari take it slowly and make sure you are in a safe environment, with people you trust. Self-tying is a great way to start.
In conclusion
There are so many reasons to try a new hobby, and if shibari intrigues you, then why not learn rope! If we’ve whet your appetite (and you live in London), check out our events listings, or come along to a beginners rope jam. If you’re further afield, have a look at our YouTube channel for some inspiration and take a look at Shibari Store to kit yourself out.
Related reading:
- How to approach your first kink event if you are flying solo
- Feel the fear and do it anyway: advice for people over 40 (from people over 40) in the kink scene
- Kink Frenzy: When you say, “Yes!” to walking red flags (and what to do about it)
- 11 Tips to Help you Get Really Good at Tying
- Talking Shibari: a guide to rope-related vocabulary
This article is an opinion piece based on the voluntary contributions of team members and community members. If you’d like to get in touch about any of the content, please email us at enquiries@anatomiestudio.com. We are always excited about incorporating others thoughts and perspectives into our posts.