Before tying with someone new, there’s a lot to consider—safety, experience, desires, and those little things that create a fulfilling and connected rope scene. Since we all have different approaches to rope, we asked our community what questions they ask (or wish they’d asked) before tying with a new partner.
These 11 questions aren’t just about ticking boxes—they’re conversation starters. They’ll help you get a sense of each other’s motivations, boundaries, and expectations so you can co-create a scene that’s satisfying, safe, and fun for everyone involved.
1. “Why do you want to tie/be tied by me?”
This question is crucial but often overlooked. Asking why someone specifically wants to tie with you gives valuable insight into their motivations and helps assess compatibility. Rope isn’t just rope—it comes in various styles and flavours, and the person you’re tying with matters too! Perhaps something you said, the way you moved, or how you expressed yourself drew them in. This question also helps you gauge whether the request is more about them or the partnership. Sometimes the answer might be, “I just want to experience tying/being tied,” and it’s up to you to decide if that’s an answer you’re comfortable with.
2. “What do you like about rope?” / “What draws you to rope?”
Understanding why someone is interested in rope can help determine if your desires align. Some are drawn to rope for aesthetic reasons, others for physical sensations, and some for emotional or intimate connections. If motivations don’t match, it can impact the experience.
3. “What do you want to get out of rope?”
Knowing what your partner hopes to gain from the experience can help ensure you’re both on the same page. If you’re the one tying, asking “how do you like to feel in rope?” is a great follow-up. Do they enjoy shame-based play while you don’t? Are they into bratting or play fighting, but you’re not? Figuring out where your desires align (or don’t) is essential for compatibility.
4. “How long have you been practicing rope?” / “Where do you normally tie?” / “What’s the last class you attended?”
Assessing your partner’s experience level is important for setting realistic expectations. Whether they’ve learned through classes, workshops, or self-study, understanding their background helps you gauge their expertise and approach to rope play.
Pro tip: asking someone how long they’ve been tying for is not that useful these days because there is so much education available that someone with just a couple years experience can be very skilled. Time tying also doesn’t speak to the quality of that time – people can have been involved in the rope scene for decades but with little to no tuition.
5. “Do you prefer to tie or be tied?” / “Do you enjoy switching roles?”
This one should probably be asked early on. In a world of switches, it’s important to figure out who wants to do what to whom in a given encounter! Some people might prefer a set dynamic for a partnership or a scene, some people prefer switching, even mid-scene. Figure out what you like together.
6. “Do you prefer to tie in public or in private?”
This is an important one. Sometimes it can be safer to have a first rope encounter in a public venue and move to private play once you’re comfortable and feel safe. For some, refusal to meet/tie in a public venue can be a red flag, but it can also just be social anxiety or shyness. Have the conversations anyway and listen to your gut. If in doubt you can always reach out for references.
7. “What kind of rope do you like?” / “What are you usually in the mood for?”
This helps you understand the specific styles and types of rope play they enjoy. The mood can vary—are you both in the mood for unstructured floor play? Suspension? Partial suspension? Or are you just wanting to practice a harness? Clarifying the type of rope or play will help avoid confusion.
8. “What does connection mean to you in rope?”
People have different interpretations of “connection.” For some, it’s about eye contact or shared energy, while others may focus more on touch and physicality. Understanding how your partner defines connection helps establish a stronger, more meaningful dynamic.
9. “Do you understand the risks involved in rope bondage?”
Rope bondage carries both physical and emotional risks, such as nerve compression, circulation issues, and potential emotional triggers. Ensure your partner is aware of these risks and has strategies in place to mitigate them. If they’re unfamiliar, you can take the time to educate them and adjust the scene to their experience level.
10. “Is there anything you don’t like in rope?” / “Are there areas I should avoid when tying you?” / “Is there anything I should know about you before we tie?”
Clear communication about boundaries and limitations is essential for a safe, enjoyable experience. Discuss physical limitations, past injuries, or specific areas to avoid during play. Additionally, talk about emotional triggers, energy levels, and emotional states—this ensures both partners feel comfortable and respected.
11. “What are your aftercare needs?”
Aftercare is a crucial aspect of rope play. Some people need cuddling and reassurance, while others prefer solitude. Discussing aftercare preferences beforehand ensures that both partners leave the experience feeling emotionally supported and safe.
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This list isn’t exhaustive—it’s just a starting point to gauge interest and compatibility. Once you’ve established that you want to tie together, there are many more important questions to consider, particularly those focused on communication, safety, and consent, such as “Do you go non-verbal in rope?” or “How can I tell if you’re not okay?” But that’s a topic for another blog post!
Keep having conversations with people, observe others tie or be tied, invest in building trust through friendships, and don’t hesitate to ask for references if you’re unsure.
What other questions do you like to ask?
Thank you to: Spelbound_Girl, A1yster, Joy, Bex-bunny, Chara_tr__, Chc.artworks, __takotsubo, Magic_thumbfl, Katgb1987, Dionthebunnycat, Dairenichonaill, Tenacious.gee among others who contributed their questions and thoughts on Instagram and Discord.