In our last blog post we explored safe words, and safe words can’t really be discussed without discussing risk and risk profiles. It’s our risk profile that informs when we want to nope out of a scene, or even agree to it in the first place. And, while I’d hazard a guess that a lot of people who are into kink and/ or shibari have a fairly high tolerance of risk, we are all very different. We are also different from moment to moment.
Your risk profile is what informs the “RI” in PRICK (Personal, risk-informed, consensual kink) and the “RA” in RACK (risk-aware consensual kink). Having an idea of your attitude to risk can be a super helpful part of exploration. Knowing that you are someone who is likely to jump in with two feet and worry about the consequences after is useful information: it can help you consciously create a support network, which might simply look like a few friends that you commandeer to use as sounding boards.
So what is a “risk profile”? How do you figure out yours? And what does it mean when you do?
What is a risk profile?
Risk profiles are most commonly associated with finances, and health and safety. As an ex-teacher, I spent my life filling in “risk assessment” forms to make sure my students were safe in different situations. When you come to a workshop at Anatomie, the teacher will have gone through a similar process.
In money terms, investment risk profiles are often described on a scale from “aggressive” to “moderate” to “conservative”. A conservative investment means your money is safe, there is minimal risk and low return; aggressive means significant risk but the potential for greater reward long-term.
While there are no agreed terms for risk within kink, again it’s a continuous balance between risk/ safety and reward. Your kinky risk profile relates to how willing you are to participate in different activities in relation to the types, severity and likelihood of the possible risks. It allows you to identify the things that cost more long-term than the opportunities provided by play.
Whether you know it or not, your risk profile subconsciously determines whether you say “yes” or “no” to opportunities you’re faced with, in kink or elsewhere.
However, a powerful psychological tool is the Johari window: the idea that in order to grow — and work successfully with others — we are required to bring parts of ourselves from the “unknown” into our “known” realms. This is where I invite you to reflect on your experiences and start to bring your thoughts and attitudes to risk from that subconscious, intuitive decision-making place into a more conscious and intentional space.
Why create a risk profile?
Safewords are great, as is knowing our hard/ soft limits but some people genuinely do enjoy playing (safely!) without these things. Risk profiles allow us to go a step further into practising PRICK with or without.
A risk profile allows you to consider all the possible things that might go wrong, in order for you to determine whether they can be on the menu at all.
A risk profile provides context for your limits. For example, a limit might be “I don’t want visible marks on my face or neck”. Your risk profile could be much more specific: “I need to be able to wear x, y, z pieces of clothing to work this week,” which allows a more solid framework for where marks may or may not be allowed.
If you do a certain type of work, where specific body parts are necessary (e.g. sports, walking, writing) you can use your risk profile to ensure those body parts are prioritised in any first aid, but also take extra precautions to protect them during play. “I must be able to use my hands for work,” is much more useful than, “Don’t tie me in a TK.”
Furthermore, knowing these things about yourself allows you to research the things that could help keep you safe, and ask questions of play partners to gauge their own understanding of the things you need them to be aware of.
How do I create my risk profile?
There are two ways to create a risk profile: working backwards from the things you need to protect, or working forwards from your kinks.
Working backwards
Firstly, list down the things in your life that you need to protect at all costs? E.g. work, friends, relationships, family, hobbies, children/ contraception, pets, travel
Then, consider the things that you need to be able to do or have in order to do them. E.g. working limbs, ability to take contraception/ access to regular medication, ability to make money, protecting personal and professional reputation/ career progression
Research or learn in order to make sure you know how to protect these things. E.g. ways to avoid nerve damage in the body parts you need to protect, understanding ways to play that mark/ don’t mark.
Communicate the information that’s needed before play and ensure any emergency plans are put in place should they be needed.
Working forwards
Start by creating a list of the things that are highest on your to-do list or the things you do most regularly.
Choose one, and brainstorm all the potential risks you can think of, and try to go all the way to worst-case scenario not matter how unlikely that might seem.
Some things you might want to consider:
- Legality (for example in the UK, people “can’t” consent to ‘bodily harm’)
- The consequences (e.g. to reputation) of being found out in some way, e.g. a surprise trip to the hospital
- Arousal, and how this could distract you, e.g. when driving, or at work
- Personal feelings and triggers
- Past experience (sometimes kink will the “cone of uncertainty” model, in which the more you do something the less risky it becomes. Sometimes it will not, and negative past experience will make you more wary.)
- Safety/ danger: there is a huge range of kinks, many of which are, for all intents and purposes, physically safe but some of which aren’t
- How your feelings on the day might impact on your desire
- Your perception of risk vs the reality
- Physical condition/ medical conditions
Next, use a scale (for example, 1-10 where one is extremely unlikely and 10 is almost certain) to mark how likely each one is to happen. You might realise some are conditional, in which case list the conditions and their relative score underneath.
Then, mark or highlight (traffic light colours are a good way to do this) whether each risk is: acceptable as it is; unacceptable as it is, but acceptable with some safety measures; or unacceptable risk.
If you deem something to be unacceptably risky, note down why this is.
Over time, you will build up a visual risk profile that you can use to inform your decisions, especially if you are someone who is inclined to be more of a risk-taker.
Conclusion
While I’m not suggesting you should steal some risk assessment forms from work and fill them in for every scene you do, it is worth spending some time thinking about the things you have engaged in, or would like to engage in, and consider the potential risks.
Many facets of kink are inherently unsafe, and we know this. But… there are a ton of reasons as to why we park our reservations and go ahead and jump in with both feet (one of these being kink frenzy).
I know… dissecting our kinks doesn’t sound very sexy! But I for one didn’t honestly consider the risks of certain things I’ve done. My risk profile has changed significantly in the nearly-a-decade I’ve been kinking. That’s partly down to experience (especially when things have gone wrong) but also down to being more intentional and really making sure that I set things up to feel as secure as they can possibly feel. This helps me to enjoy the things I do way more.
Considering the risks means specifically thinking about ‘worst-case scenarios’ as well as scenes that go without a hitch. And this doesn’t mean you don’t do things… it just means you’re prepared for when things go wrong (because it almost always is “when” rather than “if”).
Having honest, open conversations about potential risks — which could lead to putting additional safety measures in place — might actually make you feel even more excited about doing the things you want to do.